I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
