No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
People in love make me want to vomit
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
