they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
