Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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