No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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