my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
