I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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