i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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