me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
