tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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