I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
40s are totally the cure
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
