seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
