Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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