Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
