She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
