I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
