were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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