I don't remember. Are we still dating?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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