If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
