yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
