we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
