she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
