I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
