that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
