Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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