I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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