At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
