Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
