It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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