Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
