I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
