I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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