I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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