i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize