your parents love me but you hate me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
