I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
