i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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