I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
