problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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