You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
