This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
