I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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