You can't motorboat a personality
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Will exercising make me less horny?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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