So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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