Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
