please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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