My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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