so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
