I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have so much sex to catch up on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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