I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
