a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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