did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
