are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everyone says I win the strip club
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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