he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
