This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
