when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
