would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
4 words: hood of his car
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
