Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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