its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
