So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
