I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
