I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
