Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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