he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
