I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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