i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
