I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
