I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
More tranny stories later!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dicks are not precious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
