Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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