My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
