Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
