trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
