What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
