The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
