I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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