THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
