the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
