apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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