And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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